Friday, August 24, 2007

an atheist who feels threatened in his beliefs...

Sometime the scariest thing is to read or hear something and let your mind just ponder the possibilities. An example of this is this morning I was reading an older Dilbert Blog entry where Scott Adams was talking about the movie Zeitgeist he watched on the Internet.

To quote Mr. Adams, the movie entwines three basic arguments:

1. The Bible is an obvious copy of earlier religions, designed to control the masses.

2. September 11th was staged by the U.S. government as a pretext for grabbing power and making money.

3. Rich bankers control the entire world.

I almost hate to admit this but I do buy into these statements, but with some background and caveats:

- Rich bankers control the world? Oh yeah, this is a stretch! Now way back in the 70's my line of work put me in contact with some very rich and powerful individuals in interesting ways. This one fellow in particular, who shall remain nameless, stood out more than others.

Let me attempt to set the scene of where this dude was coming from:
1. My entourage and myself stayed at his "guest" mansion in Palm Beach, as opposed to his mansions of residence in Palm Beach and Malibu;

2. Offspring of the Getty's, Vanderbilt's and the like 'slummed' it in the servant quarters of this place;

3. Some of his associates and drinking buddies went by names such as Kennedy, Johnson, Herriman and the like!

So one night he was bored I guess and came over to the "guest" mansion and broke out the good liquor and told me tales of power and events next to the water fountain in the study that would be considered back stories to major world news that put chills up my spine because it all sounded so plausible!

- The Bible stories based on earlier religious practices? Sure, why not! I believe the God needed to communicate with the early biblical era people in a manner they understood; and remember He also works in strange and mysterious ways. You have to also admit that part of the purpose of the Bible was to get an unruly mass of Bedouin society under control. I mean, He's God and he can do what ever he see fit to in order to get his message across! I'm just glad the messages are delivered more subtle manner these days than how it was delivered to Sodom and Gomorrah! With this in mind I very much buy into Mark Twain's' idea that God created man because he was disappointed in the monkeys!;

- and September 11th was staged by the U.S. government as a pretext for grabbing power, well DUH! I stand dumbfounded in how on earth the likes of Bin Laden and his homeys could have figured out all the details and timing to pull a thing like that off. Sounds so much like the Pearl Harbor revelations now coming to light, don't you think? Can it be proven if it is true? Not in today's world I'm afraid. As sorry as it may sound to some, sometimes hanging with the devil you know as opposed to the devil you don't know is more comforting in a very sorry way....

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I don't have anger issues...I just prefer to solve my problems with violence



Life issues and evil spirts have stolen my time, will be back A.S.A.P.

Friday, August 17, 2007

That New Lease on Life....

So I'm cruising in my '07 Vue blasting Areosmith's rockin' hit "Living on the Edge," when it suddenly occurs to me: "Am I too gangsta? Am I too hardcore and menacing for this world?" I just might be. So I decide to tone it down a bit. I bust out the Lionel Ritchie, mellow out the vibe and siesta, fiesta, foreva, togetha, all night long. So anyway, I'm driving along, right, and I think one day I'm gonna buy me one of them monster semi trucks with a huge state of the art, futuristic trailer with lights on it, and I'll rendezvous with it on the highway, see, and its back doors will fly open and lower a ramp for me to climb into. I'll be like Knight Rider, man. Imagine the envy of the other motorists as I ride off, safely docked inside my own personal headquarters on wheels, my mobile mechanical womb, spiriting me away deep into the night to some secret sanctuary far away from civilization--a thousand miles away, you might say...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I have so much stuff because I'm poor....

I have too much stuff. Most people in America do. In fact, the poorer people are the more stuff they seem to have. Hardly anyone is so poor that they can't afford a front yard full of old cars.

It wasn't always this way. Stuff used to be rare and valuable. You can still see evidence of that if you look for it. For example, in the house I grew up in Cleveland, which was built before 1920, the bedrooms don't have closets. In those days people's stuff fit in a chest of drawers. Even as recently as a few decades ago there was a lot less stuff. When I look back at photos from the 1970s, I'm surprised how empty houses look. As a kid I had what I thought was a huge fleet of toy cars, but they'd be dwarfed by the number of toys my kids have. All together my Matchboxes and toy soldiers took up about a third of the surface of my bed. In my kids' rooms the bed is the only clear space.

Stuff has gotten a lot cheaper, but our attitudes toward it haven't changed correspondingly. We overvalue stuff.

That was a big problem for me when I had no money. I felt poor, and stuff seemed valuable, so almost instinctively I accumulated it. Friends would leave something behind when they moved, or I'd see something as I was walking down the street on trash night (beware of anything you find yourself describing as "perfectly good"), or I'd find something in almost new condition for a tenth its retail price at a garage sale. And pow, more stuff.

In fact these free or nearly free things weren't bargains, because they were worth even less than they cost. Most of the stuff I accumulated was worthless, because I didn't need it.

Companies that sell stuff have spent huge sums training us to think stuff is still valuable. But it would be closer to the truth to treat stuff as worthless.

In fact, worse than worthless, because once you've accumulated a certain amount of stuff, it starts to own you rather than the other way around. The house isn't yours; it's your stuff's.

Monday, August 13, 2007

I took too much zoloft, where are my pants?

Well a week since having heart surgery (and for all those who swore I didn't have a heart we now have pictures to prove you wrong!) and beginning to realize that pharmaceuticals is now considered a new food group in my diet. Been through this before and swore I wouldn't do through this again. It is so irritating to lose those pills in the salsa!

So I go back today to get loaded up with even more pills to take for he rest of my life and so far most of them are pink. PINK!?! That clashes with my lifestyle and that is just wrong! I have heard of all these trendy designer drugs out there but the ones I take look like they were designed by a gulag bureaucrat who failed art in high school. All I can do to save my coolness is to keep them hidden in the back of the cabinet and locked in their little brown bottles like those pesky skeletons in the closets. I would bet if more gay people had heart complications those medications would be far more bitchin' trendy. Then I wouldn't mind taking them in public, showing them off, trading with my homies.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

I envy you. You are so free from the ravages of intelligence.

As my plans for my despotic rules continue to come together I was able to take some time this past week to further study the failings of those who came before me and to avoid thier fatal flaws and miscues. Just a few additions to my list of what to do or not to do in learning from thier mistakes. Why be dumb enough to screw up as they did since it would be so much easier to accpt if I screwed up in an original manner....

- I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's something I want you to know".

- When I employ people as advisers, I will actually consider their advice.

- If I want a child, I will instead go to the pet store and buy a dog. They're easier to teach anyway.

- Despite it's proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

- I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my legions of terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman food soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated, and I want my troops to have a more positive mindset.

- No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will never consume any energy field larger than my head.

- I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way, even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render standard-issue energy weapons useless, my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

- I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I am invincible!" After that line, death is usually instantaneous and gruesome.

- No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

- If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I'm fortunate enough to knock the weapon from his hand, I will graciously allow him to retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather he will be so startled and confused that I will easily be able to dispatch him before he can defend himself.

W.T.F.W.J.D. ?

Just chillin' out in church again and listenin' to the Word and again begin to think. That's always a dangerous thing you know, I have one of the type of mind that someone just shouldn't go into alone. So what am I thinking again? Nothing other than the sequel to the first blockbuster religious film I had, this one being - Jesus Christ, Superfly!

You know a dude that tight would just transcend time periods and with just a few costume updates he would again be the ultimate 21st century main man. Just imagine if you will; keep the hair and beard but trimmed and slicked sweet, some fly Italian styled smoked shades and a full length black leather duster. You can just see the sparks fly as he walks down the streets! This sage of the subways being crowned as the prince at the beggar's bash! Healing the cripple on the corner who cries out "Nickels for your pity"! It's so hard to be a saint in the city but nobody will be messin' with this Messiah!

I can just hear the phone ringing ringing off the hook first thing Monday! I'll send all you peeps invites to opening night!

Friday, August 3, 2007

Computer Humor

I was thinking about the first person who thought something was funny. I mean. like he was the first to say a humorous phrase so how did anyone around him know he was funny or what funny even was? Did the first dude have to bite them in the ass? Then you have to think what was he even thinking was funny? "Torg! Why did the mastodon cross the path?" "Uhhgg, don't know? Was he thirsty?" Must have been a side splitter I'm sure.

So what ever it was the only thing for certain is you had to be intelligent enough to get the humor concept, that's a no brainer when I see how many peoples never get my jokes. But if that's the case shouldn't computers be able to joke around? Window is a devious and sarcastic example of what they do to people, but what to computers say to each other over the network connections that we aren't even aware of? Well, with the diligent and ceaseless effort of the Piszczor Institute of Universal Truths and Pimpology (donations are accepted) we believe we have made a brake through on this oft thought provoking subject. Just the other day my main man in the research lab, the squirmy one who talks to family in the forth dimension on company time, has intercepted this humorous transmission of what we submit as the first documented piece of computer humor:

120.52.132.006: 01010111 01101000 01111001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01100101 01110010 01101001 01110000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100001 01101100 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110110 01101001 01100011 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110010 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100011 01101111 01101110 01100100 00100000 01010101 01010011 01000010 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 01101100 01100101 01110100 00111111 00001101 00001010

120.58.255.19: 01110101 01101110 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 01101110 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101001 01101100 01101100 01101111 01100111 01101001 01100011 01100001 01101100 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100011 01101001 01110011 01101001 01101111 01101110 00101100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01111001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00111111

120.52.132.006: 01100010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01110101 01110100 01100101 00100001 00100000 01101000 01100001 00100000 01101000 01100001 00100000 01101000 01100001

It's a killer, don't you agree? These guys just kill me!