But once I get what is rightfully mine I still need to keep it in style and ponder these additional notes that I need to keep in mind when the teaming masses proclaim me as Stud Pimp!
- I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me - I will do it myself.
- I will not interrogate my enemies in my inner sanctum. A small hotel room well outside my borders will work just fine thank you.
- I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the forms of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
- I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident. I'm not accountable to anyone, and my other enemies wouldn't believe it anyway.
- I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy". I simply choose not to show any to my enemies.
- One of my advisers will be an average 5-year old child. Any flaws in my plans he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
- All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, and the accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
- My undercover agents will not have tattoos, nor adhere to any style of dress codes, that will identify them as members of my organization.
- The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
- I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
- I will design all doomsday devices myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make certain he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused. I would kill him straight out, but tech-support is a bitch to find for doomsday machines.
Power to da peoples!
No comments:
Post a Comment